Heart Preparations

''For whoever gives you a cup of water to drink in My name,

because you belong to Christ, assuredly, I say to you, 

he will by no means lose his reward.''  Mark 9:41

Oh, how I fail. This morning I had a perfect opportunity to do just that. To give someone a cold glass of water in the name of Jesus Christ. And I did, but I still failed. My heart said ''you woke me up so early just because your water wasn't cold enough and you wanted me to get you some fresh water! I am tired, couldn't you have let me sleep''. That is what my heart said. How quickly I lose my compassion. I thought it would be easy to be unceasingly compassionate to an elderly woman at the end of her days. Especially when she is my grandma. I was wrong. I am not as kind or as compassionate as I thought I was. Somehow service seems so noble and fulfilling until you actually are asked to serve when you don't feel like it. I have been here three months now and I have found out that living with elderly people isn't always easy. 

 Patience. Love. Mercy. Compassion. Tenderness. Grace. Sacrifice. Tolerance. Respect.

These are needed. And they don't always come naturally. They are choices. Choices of the heart, each and every day. 

The preparations of the heart belong to man,

But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.

All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,

But the LORD weighs the spirits.

Proverbs 16:1-2

It is my job to prepare my heart. To purpose my heart for self denial deep down inside DAILY. I need to see my heart through God's eyes. He knows my motivations better than I do myself. If I am honest, I would have to say that I lie to myself. I tell myself that I am better than what I really am. I compliment myself. I am puffed up with pride. But God knows. He sees. Service that comes from an unwilling heart isn't worthy to be done in Christ's name. People may say that I am too hard on myself. I know I am not. I need brokenness. I need to realize my own corruption so that what is false may be replaced by what is true. 

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,

Whose sin is covered.

Blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity,

And in whose spirit there is no deceit.

Psalm 32:1-2